Oh Boy

*blows dust off of mic*

I’m finally back on the blog, and this time I bring good news. I’m promising to try my best to share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences now that I am officially moving to Los Angeles 😃 with a job!

You are now reading the content of Reformation‘s newest Business Analyst 💁🏽

I got the news yesterday when the Lead Recruiter from “Ref” called me as I was easing into Episode 4 of the new season of Orange is the New Black. My references checked out, my interviews went really well, and they want me to start as soon as I can.

If you don’t click on the link above, you’ll never understand how cool this company is – THEY HAVE DOGS IN THE OFFICE ‼️

Check out Ref on Facebook and Instagram!

Hence the “Oh Boy”

The agreed start date is July 3rd, meaning every plan I made for the summer is thrown away like my clothes I’ll discard that are too ugly for the trendiest city in the country. Every time I think I can cheat life with my own plans, it decides to prove me wrong.

“Drop everything and adapt.” – Life

So, now what? What the heck is my first move? A place to live would be nice, but I know that’s going to take hours of research and overly friendly messages to people who have listed their properties in the Facebook housing groups I’ve joined. Thank god I know people who were able to open my eyes to that as a place to start looking.

I’ve asked those same connections about which neighborhoods I should target, and so far the popular suggestions are: Silver Lake, Los Feliz, and areas of downtown LA, which is where my new office is located.

Let’s Backtrack For a Sec

Two weeks ago, my farmer friend posted a Snapchat story asking for strawberry pickers available Mon-Fri – I saw it and surprised myself with how interested I was in his offer. After he broke down the details of the gig via text, we made an electronic handshake to seal the deal. I picked 6 days out of the past two weeks, and each day left its mark on my legs and glutes. The nights I went out after a day in the fields, I waddled instead of walking and fell onto every couch I sat on because I wasn’t physically capable of sitting down like a human being.

It got better as time went on, I’m just being dramatic.

I really enjoyed picking strawberries. I was surrounded by a healthy snack, met some new people, got cash in my pocket, and spent my days catching rays under the sun. I worked with my hands (which were usually stained red) and went home feeling extremely accomplished – there’s nothing better than earning your shower. Most importantly, though, I now have one of those stories I can use against my future children when I tell them to suck it up or be grateful.

“I didn’t walk uphill both ways in the snow to get to school, but I did pick strawberries for a few weeks.”

The Return to IT

I had no idea I’d be asked to move so quickly if I did get the job. Before I received the big call yesterday, the only thing on my mind was going back to Zentek Farms on Monday to collect more strawberries for smoothies and jam. AND my sister is getting married next weekend! That’s kind of a big deal.

Yeah, I made jam.

Now I have an entirely new purpose. I’m joining a team of individuals who are passionate about launching this incredible clothing line further into success, and I’m stunned I get to be apart of something so ambitious…AND sustainable! Life is swirling in circles while it flips me upside down, and I’m just trying my best to make it through to the other side.

To Summarize

• My sister’s getting married
• I’m done picking strawberries
• I’m moving to Los Angeles and joining the fashion industry
• Reformation’s office has DOGS!

Thank you to everyone who has expressed support since I made the news public. I hope you’ll bear with me down this exciting but soon-to-be rocky road!

✌🏼

The 411

I woke up this morning and practiced meditation for the first time in a long time. Rather than chasing sporadic ideas of what I should do next, I want to let the true answer materialize once I’m ready to listen.

I got some mail from my cousin Jill (whaddup Jilly Cat!) who was inquiring about some of the things mentioned in a post last week that are due for some updates, like:

• The apartment search
• Job search
• Other travel plans

I will try my best to answer those questions!

Gulp

Truth is, Shannon and I haven’t figured out what we’re doing yet. We’re in an AirBnB that is up on January 29th and haven’t secured anything beyond that point. Stupid? Maybe…

The thing is – I like not having a plan. Last week I almost had a heart attack thinking about the job I left and the security it brought me. I wanted to get on the next flight home and beg for my cubicle back because I didn’t know what the hell I was doing out here. Though I may not know exactly what the plan is for tomorrow or next week, I’ve begun to surrender into my big, comfortable chair of not knowing.

The more I discover about this city, the more I love it. Amsterdam emits eccentricity, acceptance, and love; which vibrates off its towering buildings and into the hearts of its inhabitants…not to mention everyone we meet encourages us to stay here to find happiness like they did. We’re making friends and content…what could be better? Oh right…making money would be nice!

Knowing very well this will hinder our bank accounts, we’re going to turn our adventure into a Eurotrip. Not the kind where you stay two days to go snap pictures of famous buildings and hop on the next train, but something similar to what we’re already doing. We’ll plop ourselves in a city of our choice for an extended period of time and really get to know our surroundings. Why? We’re growing fond of this place we’re temporarily calling home. I want to ride this feeling as long as I can, wherever I can.

A Lingering Possibility

Another interesting tidbit we learned from our favorite bartender, Lucas (owner of our favorite bar – Café het Dwarsliggertje, aka Always Opposite), is that we are eligible for a Working Holiday visa in Australia which lasts up to a year. I could go there, potentially get a job in social media/marketing, and keep this adventure moving full speed ahead while developing the skills I wish to perfect.

For now, I’m enjoying today – we’re going to the zoo! I promise to check in with more info on our decision-making process once we have updates on progress or factors influencing our choices.

Letting go and living in the moment feels good.

Thank you for reading our blog and traveling this journey with us. Your support means everything, and it is a solid staple in our success.

So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song, the butterflies fly away
I’m noddin’ my head like, ‘yeah’
I’m movin’ my hips like, ‘yeah’
I got my hands up, they’re playing my song
I know I’m gonna be okay
Yeah, it’s a party in the A’DA(M)

-Miley Cyrus, kind of

✌🏼

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Have you done a Eurotrip and have any suggestions of places we should visit? Stories you want to share? Maybe we’re waiting from a sign from you! Comment below and share your experiences with us 🙂

Now That It’s Been a Few Days…

Peep the video, then read the post…or do it the other way around. Whatever.

…I can write a post about how it’s been adjusting to being in the city. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve already had a few waves of homesickness.

We’ve had our fair share of the nightlife thus far. When you’re six hours off from what you’re used to, you wake up late in the morning – or early afternoon in our case. I think we deserved ourselves a bit of fun to kick our adventure off right.

Night #2 started at the bar across the street.

Inside was a drunk man named Kevin who insisted he was gay but proceeded to hit on us and try to kiss our cheeks. He may or may not have stuck his tongue out at us, and it wasn’t in a childish way. Don’t worry, it wasn’t just us. He did it to everyone in the bar…including the owner who was drunk off his ass on a Wednesday night. The other folks inside the bar included the bartender, another bar employee, and a man gambling his money away at a machine that was not being very nice to him.

Though I don’t remember their names, I remember everything about them.

First, I spoke with the other bar employee who has a brown ponytail and beard. I could barely hear him over the Dutch music reverberating off of the shiny foil-looking walls, but he told me he was from Romania and had lived in Amsterdam for 11 years. Apparently he came for a week’s visit with his friends and never went back. I’ve always wanted to meet someone who said “fuck it” that way, especially since this transition hasn’t been an easy one for me. I admire the way of the nomad – free to go wherever they’re drawn to rather than being stunted by the attachment to one place. It’s currently something I’m trying to master.

He pointed me toward the corner where another employee was curled up asleep in bed. This guy’s job was to be ridiculously cute.

Okay, so the cat lady in me got out before I could stop her. This little nugget had piercing blue eyes and a thing for walking on the bar, and he almost fell asleep in my arms! My Romanian friend pictured above on the left told me he likes to call him “Friend”…which I misheard, so I called him Frank (shoutout to you, Frank!)

While I was drooling over kitty Frank, Shannon was making friends with the bartender. She only bartends two nights a week, and for the rest of the time she’s an office manager and is running her own business of being a stylist. She told us that Shannon’s color is coral, and that I’m a bottle-green or cherry. “It’s all about the subtle accents,” she said. Nails, lips, jewelry…all of these things go with a white blouse and black pants or jeans. I asked her where she was when I packed all of the other unnecessary shit in my suitcase.

Because we were wide awake at midnight, we ventured into the Square again.

We walked around a few blocks to get to know the area and look for an ATM. Neither things happened, but we did find a cool McDonald’s where you pay on an LCD menu screen you’re ordering on. We also ran into two guys from Texas who said “y’all” many times. They had come to Amsterdam to indulge in the greenery.

💚

We found a bar that was open late named Woody’s, which we quickly discovered was a gay bar. The bartender poured us fireball shots that tasted like jaeger while putting his entire mouth around his glass of beer and knocking it back. People were dressed up in togas and singing Whitney Houston. All of it reminded me of college.

I’m totally watching this show right now (The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt).

Our last and final stop was a tourist bar, Prime. Not gonna lie, I loved the familiar music that I could understand and dance to, but the best part about it was the free drinks we got from our new friends from the U.K.

All in all, we stayed up too late and missed half of another day because of it. Yesterday we wandered around aimlessly and visited the Red Light District before 10 pm, which we may go back to tonight to see it in its true late-night form. More to come on that one and the Rijksmuseum we visited today 😁

✌🏼

“Hold On” – Alabama Shakes

I’m sitting in my cluttered room listening to the likable blues rock band called Alabama Shakes. The featured song is one that my sister Brittany and I enjoy belting in the car, which we just did on our way back from the pet store in Wallingford. We cherished a beautiful half hour with a Weimaraner named Jade.

Jade was a wittle sweepy 😴

So yeah, I put off cleaning up the tornado of a bedroom I’m living out of for another week…and the car that has my summer clothes thrown all over the backseat because they were in a garbage bag that ripped back in October – that’s how lazy I am. I moved out of my house into my parents’, and I’m being resistant.

Song change:

As terrible as it sounds, I don’t want to tie up my loose ends here. I don’t want to say goodbye to people over dinner or a drink or a tight-squeeze of a hug. I’ve learned that I’m really bad at goodbyes, so I’d rather just not do them in the first place. Nobody should take that personally, I just don’t like being sad.

I still don’t know what perfectly prepared looks like on paper, all I know is that I’m not it. Is anyone ever ready to take on a new adventure? All I feel is the knot in my stomach that’s reacting to the doubt whispering in my ear that’s telling me this could be a huge mistake.

In a sense, I went and fucked up my whole life…not necessarily in a bad way, but I pointed out the biggest pieces of foundation and I ripped them out of the ground. There’s rubble everywhere, and I’m being forced to clean up the literal mess that I’ve created for myself.

What if somedays I don’t feel like dealing with this massive thing I’ve plopped on my to-do list for an indefinite amount of time? I’ve signed myself up for a struggle I can only tackle when I feel like I have the ability to, which will force me to find strength in unfamiliar places. I can no longer hide from my responsibilities. I can no longer choose to feel small when I have an endless amount of tasks to complete. There’s no more room for feeling sorry for myself.

I’m someone who draws power from the people I love that love me back. I want to focus on ways to keep connected with those who are fueling me even before I leave, like a Flat Stanley-type idea, for example, where myself and my support network will stay close in our hearts no matter the physical distance between us…and then we can Instagram it, of course.

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While wrapping up that last paragraph, somebody rang our doorbell. My dad answered and I heard a familiar voice saying my name…it was my friend Steph‘s dad and he had an envelope in his hands. He handed it to me as he said “Steph is in Hawaii so she isn’t able to say goodbye to you and she wanted me to give you this.” Inside were exactly the words I needed to hear from such a dear friend.

Steph, if you’re reading this, I want you to know how lucky I am to have you in my life. You and I have been friends since God-knows-when and I know we will continue to be rooting each other on for the rest of our lives. Thank you for considering me even while you’re exploring freakin’ Hawaii…I hope you can come visit and show me around the places you went to while you were in A’dam. I love you ❤️ & hope you have an awesome trip!

Man, I am feeling thankful.

✌🏼

Recharged and Running Out of Time

Christmas Eve:

I spent a few minutes talking with my cousin, Justin, who had been to Amsterdam a few years back to visit his lifelong friend who has lived there for years. He suggested that the two of us get in touch once I arrive. This way I could hear her story, bounce any questions off of her that I might have, and anything else that can happen when you meet someone new whose willing to lend some advice.

A few more minutes of Justin and I chatting revealed that his friend works at a radio station. My jaw dropped when I heard this – broadcasting is what I am pursuing! She has successfully transitioned into the life that I desire for myself, and I have a mutual connection with this person! Leads like this are gifts from the universe…there’s no other way I could describe the chances of this being real. I want the universe to know that I am extremely grateful and I will not waste this opportunity. I will cherish it completely.

Me reppin’ my 16 Thoughts Down Cigna podcast swag.

Christmas Day:

In between the food, laughs, and home videos of this past weekend, I snuck in some episodes of Anthony Bourdain in Amsterdam, Copenhagen, and Sicily. My appetite for adventure is fully recharged and I’m once again reminded of my motivations for leaving my beautiful, predictable life behind.

Watch Bourdain’s episode of The Layover in “Amsterdam”

A few things I really liked about this episode, aside from Anthony’s questionably sarcastic remarks about indulging in weed, include the following:

The authenticity of an easy day in Amsterdam

It starts with some social sips of coffee, which bleeds into hopping around to other types of coffee shops 😉, then walking or sitting around the streets and canals, and ends with the bar scene where everyone’s got a beer in hand. Now I can see why this city is expensive…but damn do these people know how to live life to the fullest.

The food, obviously

The closer I get, the more intrigued I am over what I’m going to be eating in less than two weeks. Since beginning to poke around on the Internet, and shown in this show, I’m very eager to try:

• Stroopwafels
• Raw herring, weirdly enough
• Indonesian cuisine (never had it)
• Dutch coffee

Here are some other popular foods in Amsterdam.

How easily I can picture myself there

Riding a bike, diving into a sensory deprivation tank (which I totally want to try), strolling the streets, admiring the architecture, and meeting all walks of life in a place I’ll soon be comfortable maneuvering…I can see myself doing all of this. It excited me to see the shops I’ll be visiting, the park I’ll find myself lying in…I can’t explain how I feel right now without getting lost in daydreaming.

I’ll share with you my theme song for the moment. I always feel something new every time I listen to it, for every time it means something more.

I can’t wait to craft my own content about exploring Amsterdam the right way.

✌🏼

An Emotional End to the Holiday Season

Christmas is over, meaning I said my goodbyes to my cousins, aunts, and uncles, and I used the phrase “see you in six months.”

I had such a great weekend with the company that matters most to me: my family.

It looks like I have a little hat on.

The long weekend was rounded off by our traditional family trip to J. Timothy’s.

If you’ve never heard me go on about J. Tim’s, you’ve missed about 20% of the things that come out of my mouth. They have THE BEST CHICKEN WINGS that I have EVER had – which is totally worth blabbing about. They’re all over my Instagram…I’m not ashamed of my love for chicken that has been sauced and fried twice.

Look, here’s how much of a fan I am:

So aside from J. Tim’s being full of delicious goodness, I love it because it’s always brought my family together. Little by little our family grows bigger with our new additions tangling their roots into our family tree. One of my sisters is engaged, another lives with her boyfriend in Massachusetts, and the youngest is one of my best friends in this world. My parents are supportive and want us all to be healthy and happy. There’s no reason to frown when we’re all sitting down at the same table.

Notice the hair down in the “before” and the hair up in the “after” ?

As I drove home after hugging Becca goodbye for the last time until June, I cried. I leave in less than two weeks. This, right now, is the end to so many familiarities…so many things that come to easy for me.

Though I am sad, I can’t help but feel a bit of raging excitement for the world I’ve only seen through the TV screen that’s about to become my reality.

I feel pretty empowered rn. Love you, fam 💋

✌🏼

We Found A Place To Live!

Best parts about our new apartment:

• It’s in the heart of Amsterdam
• It’s 2 bedrooms
• Modern AF
• And for the grand finale…IT HAS A WASHER/DRYER!

I am not one to commit to a place without having seen it first, even for a weekend getaway on AirBnB, but that’s just something I have to get over.

We live in an era where we have to learn to trust the power of transparency even though photoshop pokes its ugly head in almost every picture posted on the Internet.

Me reading the comments on AirBnb.

I would’ve never taken a leap of faith on renting a place if it weren’t for the fact that Shannon and I leave in 18 days and we need some sort of security for when we get there. I just wish it didn’t have to be so expensive to buy personal space in other parts of the world. But so it goes…

Do any of you readers have experience with trusting your gut & the Internet to commit to something you haven’t seen in real life? If so, please share to make me feel better 🙂

✌🏼

Flip-Flops, Not the Sandal Kind

I guess this is what learning to deal with ambiguity feels like. This is the worst case of flip-flopping that I’ve ever experienced, and I’ll tell you why.

When you commit to a decision you’ve made, it’s a marvelous freedom.

Yes, it is. I’ve decided to live abroad next year, and that’s a no-brainer. Decision = done. No matter what, doubt will not conquer that idea because the roots are already well down into the ground.

But, I have no idea where I’m even going. A lost work opportunity in August, perilous research September thru October…November was for learning how to accept my decision and confiding in those who will actually hold me to leaving the country next year. By December you think I’d have a freakin’ clue as to where all of this work is taking me…

I’m back to offering a little faith in the company I work for. Another meeting with someone in a more powerful position brings the possibility of my career expanding overseas – right after I accepted that loss. Funny how corporations work. That brings me to Glasgow or Antwerp. Otherwise it’s onward to Amsterdam.

Yes, I’m tired of conflicting visions of the future, but I am in no way defeated. I’m taking this as my first life lesson of this entire experience, which is to ride it out. Keep the energy flowing into the universe no matter how much of a beating it’s taken so far. There is always more where that came from. I’m not taking no for an answer, so it’s time for myself to buckle up if my savings is all I’ve got to start with.

✌🏼

Close, But Yet So Far

39 days. A month can be the shortest or the longest period of time depending on how you look at it. I don’t know if I want more time or for this year to be over already.

What should I be doing aside from trying to keep my job for next year? I just mailed my 30-day-in-advance notice to my landlord about my exit from this apartment and the lease…I guess starting to move out is the next move.

I’m going to do it with my head down while I try not to linger on the situation for too long. I have to do as I’m told by the me who is in the zone with a pen and a notebook. I have to follow that teeny tiny inkling despite how it’s going to affect my current environment. I must become impenetrable from the outside world. I can’t let it get to me.

So I’ll transfer my belongings like I have a million times before to and from my dorms, except this time I don’t have a break to slowly put them into their proper places. I have to do everything right the first time from here on out, every time.

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The One Way Ticket

We all have it…the fantasy of getting up and leaving. To go somewhere…anywhere. It’s our most delicious daydream we unwrap alongside our lunch during the thirty minutes we get between meetings. The classic recipe for adventure: one suitcase stuffed to the brim, precious belongings secured in storage, and of course, the one way ticket.

You see that horrible picture of me with my hands and my phone on my head? Well, that was my face after Shannon texted me a picture of our one way tickets (I was too chicken to buy my own). Leaving EWR January 9th, landing in Amsterdam January 10th.

It’s really happening.

Side note: that’s really me – working from home…bouncing between two laptops…stressed AF. Taken by Britt.

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